Crown of Wings painting collage by KatCanPaint

Driving myself bonkers : Crown of Wings painting progress

I am driving myself crazy, looney, absolutely BONKERS with this painting.  I almost scrapped this painting.  Scrapped, like tossed into the trash.  Finito! I’m tired of looking at you!

 

Crown of Wings painting collage by KatCanPaint

Crown of Wings, acrylic on canvas, 11 x 14″, still in progress

Seriously, it just bugged me over and  over.  This painting didn’t mold into what I wanted it to look like, into what I wanted it to be.  Problem: I had no idea what exactly I wanted this painting to be besides not ugly, yeah. I’m helpful that way.

I kept it around, schelpping it from table to table or hanging it on a wall, keeping it in the background while I painted other pieces.  I had a lot of deep seated annoyance with my entire painting process and style that this painting represented.  I liked the idea of this painting, but I just didn’t know if I had the ability to paint it the way I idealized it.

Plus, I end up making every painting about learning how to do something better – a better way to paint eyes/ lips /noses… a better way to model vs render details.  Painterly vs illustrative.  I would be able to grow as an artist this way, but not when each piece is a struggle.  Not an exercise, or a study… nope. I make it hard on myself.  If I don’t revolutionize something or answer a big question when I walk away from a painting then I feel like a failure and that the painting is a failure.

BECAUSE I AM INSANE.

Painting is not that hard for me.

It doesn’t have to be that hard for me.

I am terrified of doing mediocre work, and choosing the easy path / the path of least resistance always seems like it only leads to a short skip to mediocretown.

There has to be another way!

I’m still figuring it out, every time I sit down to paint.

 

<3 Kat

 

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5 thoughts on “Driving myself bonkers : Crown of Wings painting progress

  1. kachina6046 says:

    I have had some pieces that just wouldn’t fall into place for me. Usually painting is very easy, and everything “flows”. I have found that when I have this problem, the best solution is to just put it away for awhile. Out of sight. It seems that then new ideas on how to improve the piece emerge… In my experience anyway. :) Good luck.

    • Kat says:

      I’ve been working on and off since December. I think after a certain point I need to just declare something done, and get rid of the piece totally. I have a lot of fail paintings floating around & I need some new canvas to obsess over ^_^ Thanks for your thoughtful comment!

  2. L.E. Amatulli says:

    I’ve been there, Kat. It can be difficult sometimes to figure out what exactly we’re trying to express with certain pieces. It can be downright maddening being an artist. And yet, we have no choice, right? Because who are we if we’re not creating?

    • Kat says:

      Exactly! Great questions, and I don’t think I have a good answer. I just have to keep painting and find my answer in the work.

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