I am driving myself crazy, looney, absolutely BONKERS with this painting. I almost scrapped this painting. Scrapped, like tossed into the trash. Finito! I’m tired of looking at you!
Crown of Wings, acrylic on canvas, 11 x 14″, still in progress
Seriously, it just bugged me over and over. This painting didn’t mold into what I wanted it to look like, into what I wanted it to be. Problem: I had no idea what exactly I wanted this painting to be besides not ugly, yeah. I’m helpful that way.
I kept it around, schelpping it from table to table or hanging it on a wall, keeping it in the background while I painted other pieces. I had a lot of deep seated annoyance with my entire painting process and style that this painting represented. I liked the idea of this painting, but I just didn’t know if I had the ability to paint it the way I idealized it.
Plus, I end up making every painting about learning how to do something better – a better way to paint eyes/ lips /noses… a better way to model vs render details. Painterly vs illustrative. I would be able to grow as an artist this way, but not when each piece is a struggle. Not an exercise, or a study… nope. I make it hard on myself. If I don’t revolutionize something or answer a big question when I walk away from a painting then I feel like a failure and that the painting is a failure.
BECAUSE I AM INSANE.
Painting is not that hard for me.
It doesn’t have to be that hard for me.
I am terrified of doing mediocre work, and choosing the easy path / the path of least resistance always seems like it only leads to a short skip to mediocretown.
There has to be another way!
I’m still figuring it out, every time I sit down to paint.
Would you like to see more paintings?